Chapter 1. Who Am I?

Who am I? Ten thousand questions return to this one. Every language, every culture, every spiritual tradition petitions us to answer the question: Who am I? The great philosophers of ancient Greece engraved this question on the entrances to their temples. And it has echoed throughout history, from Shakespeare, who advises in Hamlet “to thine own self be true,” to our contemporary popular culture. In the film The Matrix, when Neo meets the Oracle for the first time, the sign above her kitchen door reads: “Know thyself.”

This first question invites us to examine the domain of self. With three simple words, the question elicits an almost infinite number of responses. Why? Because we each think, speak, and act in our own unique ways.

We all recognize our obvious physical differences: we are blue-eyed or brown-eyed, tall or short, left-handed or right-handed. Each of us experiences life from a unique vantage point, one based on our unique preferences and experiences. Our preferences are an innate disposition toward a certain condition, character, or effect—or, more simply, what we think of as our likes and dislikes.

Even when we agree on the names and circumstances of certain people, places, and things, we still attach different meanings to them. For example, she may remember the big tree in the back yard as the secret hideout where we built a fort, but he may remember it as the high place he fell from and broke his arm. He may remember Aunt Helen as a stern old woman with hands made for spanking, but she thinks of her as the family historian who baked delicious pies. Even identical twins growing up together make meaning in uniquely different ways. Though they may look alike and share the same history, each has a distinctly individual identity and way of relating to the world.

So if we are each unique, does it not follow that each of us has a unique purpose as well? That there is something distinctly ours—some talent, some skill—that offers us the opportunity to manifest our greatest potential? We may even experience an innate calling in the areas where we feel most alive, even if focusing on the term “purpose” can feel intimidating.

Identifying one’s “purpose” suggests a lofty goal, like saying, “I will make a billion dollars,” or “I will cure cancer,” or “I will win an Academy Award.” It might even be so, but need it be so grand? Maybe it is far simpler. Perhaps the secret to identifying your purpose is not in describing some aspirational future state. Rather, it is about connecting to what you are already great at, transforming the intuitive into the intentional by bringing forth that talent for your own and others’ benefit—manifesting the you that is already meant to be.

If you live for creating businesses, your purpose is about building organizations to solve problems that matter. If you are brilliant at research, then it is about spending time solving rational problems. If you are a natural performer and want to enrich the lives of others, then it is about spending more time entertaining. What could be a better purpose than

o   to catalyze entrepreneurship?

o   to extend human life?

o   to make people laugh?

It makes sense, does it not, that your true purpose has less to do with achievements, whatever their magnitude, than in being the best, most authentic you? Being the best you may have a scope as large as the entire world or as small as a single person you love with all your heart. However you express it, you know when your purpose is shining through by the way you feel. Experience tells us this—what happens when you’re being the real, best you? You feel alive. Happy.

The challenge for us all is the same: to choose to manifest what we are truly great at in this moment and in each moment in the future. What we choose to be, we become. To be our authentic, best selves, each of us must choose to be that self now, in the next moment, in the following moment, and so on. As we choose, we create the experience of the present and lay the foundation for the future.

A reasonable person might ask, “How does finding your purpose really make a difference in your life?” Or somewhat more bluntly, “What’s the ‘cash value’ of connecting with your purpose?”

Consider a few examples of people who have clearly found a response to the question: Who am I? Although these people are well known for their accomplishments and for living unapologetically on their own terms, their greatness arose from consciously living into their purpose—simply by aligning their thoughts, words, and actions with their true nature.

Picasso, one of the twentieth century’s most influential artists, described his purpose this way: “I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it.” Mother Teresa, a saint in her own lifetime, described herself as “. . . a little pencil in God's hands.”[i] Finally, Muhammad Ali, whose courage extended beyond the world of sports, put it this way: “I know where I’m going and I know the truth, and I don’t have to be what you want me to be. I’m free to be what I want.”

In answering this first question, each of these people declared themselves into being and found the purpose and meaning to live rich, full lives. Here it is important to distinguish between being good at something and living your purpose. Although you may be good at many things, you have only one real purpose in life, though it may express itself in many different forms. Until you acknowledge that purpose, life can appear slightly distorted, like a cubist painting: all the angles are visible, but the essence of your being is out of focus. We see this in others and, less frequently, in ourselves.

An example to help illustrate the point is the story of a once-promising prospect in professional baseball. He began his journey into the big leagues in 1994, working his way up from double-A to triple-A teams. The major leagues were only one step away. Then, on the eve of signing with a professional team, he suddenly quit baseball, never to play the game again. Why? Because he realized that baseball wasn’t his true purpose. The expression of his fullest potential was outside baseball. But even though he never played baseball at the highest level, you still might remember him: his name is Michael Jordan, arguably the best basketball player to ever set foot on the court.

Despite extraordinary success in basketball, Jordan quit to follow his father’s dream that he play baseball—only to realize his true passion was basketball. A year after returning to the game, Jordan led the Chicago Bulls to win the first of three straight national championships. In the process, he broke almost every record in the game: five-time league Most Valuable Player, ten-time scoring champion, three-time steals champion, over 32,000 points, 6,000 rebounds, and 5,000 assists. He then went on to write a book about it—For the Love of the Game. Michael Jordan loved to play basketball.

Although he was good at almost every sport, his purpose was to elevate the game of basketball. While we might remember him best for his talent on the court, the expression of his purpose took form in different ways over time, from collegiate athlete to professional player to Olympian to team owner. Moreover, by living into his purpose, he inspired many others, both on and off the court. As every kid who laces up a pair of basketball shoes today knows, Michael Jordan found his purpose.

Now ask yourself—what would the world be like if Picasso, Mother Teresa, Muhammad Ali, or even Michael Jordan had not found their purpose?

For Oneself

Some people know early on exactly what they want to be in life. Think of the kid you knew in grade school who just knew he would grow up to be a firefighter. Let’s call him Adam. Decades after graduation, when you bump into him again and ask the inevitable question of what he has done with himself, you learn that Adam has, indeed, gone on to become a firefighter; then he specialized and is now a paramedic. When you ask him what it’s like to work as a paramedic, he might describe the numerous false alarms, the mind-numbing paperwork, the financial challenges of municipal budgets, and so on.

But when you ask him why he puts up with it, it’s like flipping a switch. Adam’s eyes light up and he declares, “Because I get to help people!” Then he describes how everyone has a moment when they have a real emergency, when their life depends on the immediate care of someone who can help them in a way they desperately need. Watching him speak, you have no doubt he enjoys being that person and is quietly proud of making a difference. You can see in his eyes and hear in his tone that he loves being a paramedic and that Adam’s purpose is to help people in physical distress. Perhaps you even feel calmer in his presence knowing people like him exist.

Like Adam, most of us start with a dream. Maybe you have inherited certain aptitudes from your parents or are attracted to the vocation of someone you admire. However an inclination arises, you only begin to understand its true nature once you pursue it. Over time, you begin to understand the nature of your intended vocation. For instance, you may learn that being a firefighter is more than just saving people from burning buildings. It also entails hours of training, cleaning equipment, and waiting.

Taking classes in school, and later working at different jobs, you gain the perspective necessary to recognize and define your abilities and interests. While it is unlikely that your friend, for example, realized he would one day be a paramedic when he said he wanted to be a fireman, he knew he loved helping people. Pursuing his dream of becoming a fireman, Adam realized the true expression of his desires was best channeled through working as a paramedic. 

Where to begin if you’re unsure about your particular purpose?

Even without looking outside yourself, you can start by taking an inventory of what comes easily to you and what does not: What are your greatest talents? How can those talents be used to provide something others want and need? Which activities do you enjoy the most?

To better focus on the question of identifying your purpose, notice what you are instinctively attracted to and what repels you. In other words, while you may have the capacity to do anything, what would you prefer to do? For example, would you rather

o   spend time with many people each day or just a few?

o   work in one place or travel wherever your work takes you?

o   focus on numbers and spreadsheets or words and documents?

o   generate novel ideas or organize information?

o   confront new challenges daily or spend a lifetime mastering one skill?

Listing your preferences, you are likely to see the outlines of your natural talents. You might notice, for example, that you enjoy analyzing information and are good at it. It would then be helpful to learn this skill is essential in accounting, programming, finance, and related disciplines. This knowledge might illuminate a number of paths you had not previously considered.

Just notice what pulls you in contrast to what you have to push yourself to do. For instance, you may notice that you enjoy solving problems on your own, but have to force yourself to give presentations to groups. Conversely, you might realize that you like interacting with strangers and would feel chained down sitting at the same desk in the same office every day. It’s important to spend time developing the talent or talents that you enjoy—the activities that draw you onward, body, heart, and mind.

Aligned with your purpose, you naturally feel connected to the best you.

o   An aligned body feels strength born from the vitality of creation in motion.

o   An aligned heart experiences a deep emotional connection to your work.

o   An aligned mind directs itself naturally toward fulfilling your objectives.

Unfortunately, too many of us ignore or postpone the sometimes confusing work of exploration. How do we know we’re not being ensnared in someone else’s notion of what should be or in yesterday’s dreams? Distracted from our real purpose, we abdicate our potential. The voice of self-defeat whispers, I don’t know how. I don’t have what it takes. I don’t deserve it. But who is holding us back? Why not challenge the limits of what we think we are capable of?

What keeps you from being the real you?

Challenges are easy to put off if they entail risk. For example, once you say, “I’m going to be a firefighter,” you commit to running toward the fire. You also commit to signing up for and completing rigorous training. Commitment entails the real risk of failure. Maybe you can’t carry all your equipment plus the weight of another person over your shoulder down many flights of stairs. Maybe you will not get the job assignment you most desire. Maybe you will complete the training and learn you don’t want the job. It takes extraordinary courage to commit your life to your passion openly, to shrug off others’ expectations, and to take responsibility for making your dream come true. But what happens if you never try?

For most of us, the greatest challenge of our lives may be identifying our purpose, but our greatest accomplishment is choosing to live into it.

The truth we all come to, sooner or later, is that we can only be ourselves, unique and perfect in our own way. Our distinct perspective contributes to the whole, like a piquant spice in a savory dish or the plaintive sound of a violin floating above the orchestra. Once you fix upon who you are—your true self and your associated purpose—and choose to live into it, you will feel it take hold of you. Being the true you is your purpose in life. Choosing that purpose ignites the fire of greatness.

Almost everyone runs away from a fire. What fires are you willing to run toward?….